Minion Retirement Planning

The other day I was driving the minion to  karate camp.  Normally we spend the morning talking about Ninjago or Star Wars.  Not on this day. On this day, he spotted a bright yellow sign in front of one of the senior living centers in the neighborhood.

HelpWanted“Look, look, look. They need help. Dad, can I work there.” The minion bounced in his seat with excitement as he pointed out the window

It took me a second to spot the sign.  “You might be a little young for that. Maybe when you are older.”

Without hesitation he said, “Alright.” After a short pause he asked, “Dad, what’s a manor?”

The manor was part of the center’s name.  I love how the minion didn’t worry about the type of job, he just wanted to help.  I explained to him that in this case the manor was a place for older people to live where they don’t have to be alone. They have friends there that they can talk to and people that can help them if they have any problems.

He was quiet for about 20 seconds. Then he asked, “Are you going to live there?”  He paused just long enough to be noticeable and added “When you are older?”

shaky_old_manThat was a relief. He didn’t think I was ready to move in right away, although he probably still thought it would be sooner than I would have liked.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “I thought I would just move in with you.”

“Nah.” He shook his head.  “I want you to live there. Then I can take care of you when I go to work.”

Apparently he already aced the interview and was hired.

I smiled in the mirror at him. “Are you sure you don’t want me to live with you?”

“Nope. You should go there.”

I could tell by the tone of his voice that he thought that would be for the best, and I was in danger of losing this round. He’d probably start packing my bags once he got home.

Fortunately I had an ace card I could still play.

“Have you thought about who has all the cool games you like to play?”

It got very quiet in the back seat. At the next stop sign, I turned to see what he was doing.

“Dad,” he said.

“Yes?” I answered.

“You can live with me.”

party_open_clip_art Victory was mine. Video games: 1. Senior, retirement center: 0




Sword Shopping


I needed a sword.

I bet that isn’t something you hear everyday, and if you have heard it it was probably someone joking about the best way to deal with a problem.

That wasn’t me. I needed a sword, and it wasn’t a joke.  It wasn’t for nefarious purposes either.  I confess that I am often seen wearing a hood and carrying archaic weapons, but I am neither a thug nor a vigilante.

I’m a writer. Writes don’t have time to be vigilantes. We are too busy figuring out ways to take over the world, then how to save it before we destroy it.

In this case, I needed a sword for Karate.  I was learning a sword kata and the twenty plus year old bokken I was using was showing its age.

Now a normal person might have just ordered a new one from their Karate instructor.  Since I’m sort of normal, that was what I was going to do.

Then my wife said these wonderful words to me. “Why don’t we go to the martial art’s store and you can pick out the one you want.”


Imagine Tim, The Toolman, Talyor, being asked to go to the hardware store to pick up a screwdriver.  Yeah, I might have drooled a little.

A few days later we are driving to the Asian World of Martial Arts store in Philadelphia.  It’s basically the Home Depot of martial art store.

And I was going to get just one thing, a sword.

I picked up a sword. A 40″ wooden bokken with scabbard.

Next to it was a 24″ bokken. Hmm, that would be just about the right size for my minion. I picked it up too.  My bo and tonfas were as old as the bokken I was replacing. I picked them up too. I got a smaller bo for my minion.

I had been thinking about getting my own pair of sai for a while. The only ones I’ve used in the past were borrowed from a friend.  I grabbed them too.

Finally, I asked a salesperson to show me one of the katanas that I had been eyeballing on the AWMA website. Yep, that went onto the counter too.

Here’s what I walked out of the store with.

father_day_weapons_smallI am ready should modern technology suddenly fail in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.


Awesome, Heroic Fantasy Stories